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Tuesday, October 02 2012 at 09:29 AM EST

What are you seriously pondering?

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Hi there ... long time reader, first time poster. Anyway, love the fish and all the good werkzorz he does behind the wheels of steel. Werd.

However, this popped up on one of those nerd forums that "friends" of mine hang around on and I thought it's be worthwhile recordering here for posterity.

The title of the topic was "What are you seriously pondering?" And the normal crapola did the rounds and then there was this little gem. I wish I could clami credit, but I can't.

After having a couple weeks of computer-free after work time as the video card on my beloved machine died a noisy ugly death I had to deal with the Real World. Cut off from the virtual, the electronic and the silicon I pondered the true meaning of our earthly existence - Bewbies.

Having grown up in the time of rampant militant feminism when having external genitalia was considered to be a sign of illigitimate parenthood I have often wondered at the objections to objectifications. As I objectify those glorious examples of bewbs that surround us I dispassionately examine my own cringing at my behaviour. Why has this objectification become a bad thing. When we admire Mona Lisa are we objectifying her because we wonder what that subtle smile signifies? When we see the ancient sculptures in their undressed state can we help but marvel how they captured the anotomical correctness of the human form? Is this regard belittling them or complimenting them?

When we regard teh bewbies we are not demeaning them, for we love teh bewbies. They remind us of rolling landscapes and have the variety of global topography - the gentle undulating smooth dunes of the Sahara, the rough sagging lands of the Australian interior, the proudly jutting peaks of the Alps, the cold distant magnificance of the Antartic, the synthetic unreality of Silicon Valley, the exotic peaks of the Goreme Fairy Chimneys. It is not objectification that we are doing, it is the viewing of a magnificent panorama.

What is hard for us men to understand is that we would welcome this objectification. Whenever a woman has said "how would you like it if we objectified you?" how many of us have had our pants half down before we realised it was rhetorical? While they object to us talking to their chests we want them talking to our little friend. They can even play singstar with it if they like. Men invented sports so women could distract us from it with their bewbs. The only things that get me to put the remote down are beer or bewbs, and that is why we have two hands. We'll know when we've hit the next step of evolution because we'll have three hands - one for the beer, one for the bewbs and one for the remote.

If I was shipwrecked on an island and could only have one thing it would be a set of latex bewbs. Unless there were native women on the island. Even then I'd probably still take the bewbs cause you can't have too much of a good thing.

That's what I've been pondering.
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What are you seriously pondering?
Authored by: jason on Tuesday, July 07 2009 at 06:23 PM EST


Just, lol.