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Tuesday, October 02 2012 at 09:32 AM EST

Long live tru metal

RamblingsEpisode one from the land of the incredibly long, even more incredibly grey cloud Niggaz!!!!!

So there I am, crashed out on the Queen and the Monsta's couch the other night... Only 7 or so in the pm but DAMN I never gave that couch the credit for comfiness its due, when I get a call.

Now granted, for some reason I thought I was talking to BigBad at the time which is odd, because I was speaking to a local, but it turns out I was speaking to one of the most decent men I ever met in Sydney, a little trooper by the name of Mark.

So he's all like "Got a ticket for a gig, are you interested?" and in my evening nanna nap haze I agree before he tells me that its for an old skool freak by the name of Ronnie James Dio.

Ronnie James fucking Dio?!?!!?!

(PS... Adam Gordon from Melbourne, Oz... Ex Cheltenham and Hailebury: I've been thinking of when you played an album of his when we followed your old man on a train mish out to Castlemaine once upon a time... If you ever do a web search on your name and see this piece, get in touch nigga.... Its been quite a while and I'd like to catch up. Put a post up on this site and we'll see what we can do)

Now I've heard a lot of respect for Dio down the ages from the faithful, so even fucked up as I was at the time, I agreed. Auto-response you see. Then I wake up later and I'm like: I missed a lot about the Gods of Metal... Sabbath... Slayer.. Even the Seps of who I only know Chaos AD, Arise and Roots (solid though they may be).

So I'm like, "Mark dude... Thanks for the offer, but I hardly know his stuff, even from Sabs and Rainbow. You sure I'm not taking this ticket off of someone who will get so much more out of it?" But it's all tall so the Yak gets a list of essentials to DL, studies them up and goes and checks it out.

I've said it once and I'll say it again with slightly modified inflections.....

Ronnie James fucking DIO!!!!!!

Now I know that Squid will hear a name here and grey out like some pissant end-user when you mention jargon like "Login", but buddy... Imagine some Iron Maiden - circa '84... Sew on a few testicles... oooh say 5 or 6.... Bring on the classic chunk metal riffs... And you're getting there. Get in touch and I'll send you some titles. Tru metal never died, just something within us.....

Now I can imagine that Ronnie sat down at some stage with the devil and said, "Cut me a deal to save my voice", and the devil obliged, taking Ronnies's looks (and he weren't never too pretty) and leaving him with a male pattern baldness that can only be described as odd when you consider he still has long curly black hair.

Coz I'm thinking he must be pushing 50 and fuck me drunk (and I'm well drunk already) but that mofo's still got A Voice, no matter how beaten up he looks.

Backed up by a mean bassist who I couldn't see for most of it, a lunatic savant on the drums, and one GUN of a fucking lead guitarist by the name of Doug Ulrich.

All who have ears be told... Doug Ulrich FUCKING ROCKS.

Squid... Thank your lucky stars that your number was saved to my old SIM instead of the phone bitch, cuz you were getting a call. I know you mightn't have been much up for the Procedure 286 when I called you mid-gig (for the rest of the Melbourne metal punters out there, check those mofos out sometime. Benny on bass - keep it up bro) but if I had that number you were gonna cop an earful of one of the best lead solo/jams I've heard in my life. I dont care if it was 4 am your time, coz summik tells me you woulda loved it. Poetry on 6 strings my man.... Wish you coulda heard it, and this is coming from a guy who knows a fair bit of his shit now, has mellowed out, heard a bunch of different genres, etc......

Seriously bud... we were there for Hammet.... We both rocked on Angus, Slash, the dude from Tool opening up one of the maddest lineups to ever grace our hometown in Alt Nation '95.... Hell... we've heard Gilmore make an intrument bleed - sadly, never truly live..... But this dude has TALENT mutherfukker. And the only thing that dwarfs his talent is his skill. Slow... Fast... Chunk... Mellow... the dude has it all in spades man. Whenever confronted with this kinda skill, I hafta look for the one flaw so you all know I ain't biased and all I could come up with was that the dude needed some more faces to pull while he was blowing my fucking mind away. He's realy really good.

Now... maybe this might turn up on a google search, and for any tru metal warriors out there, bear with me... But after all that, I'll call Doug Ulrich a pussy, because like every pussy I've ever loved, the cunt lives for his licks. And he cuts a fucking meeeeeeean fucking lick....... Perfect lead guitarist for a lead singer's title band. Standing next to him and busting out the sounds all support like, then Dio stands back and lets him express himself. I'm impressed. I was impressed by QOTSA both times I saw 'em, (mainly for their tightness) but this dude's summik else.

And if ya don't believe me, check out the upcoming DVD, coz they were filming the fucker, and they chose a good night to do it.

Mark was telling me that at the peak of hair metal, Dio/Sabs were playing to hundreds of thou at a time. Tbh, some of those songs didn't deserve to be played in such a small room tonight (Astoria). Like... I was standing there, imagining a a festival gig of at least 80 large and THAT is where this music belongs, but somewhere within my suppressed psyche, somewhere well down deeply dark in there, the Kokman woke up for a moment, gave off a devil's horn and said "Right on niggaz. This shit rocks". He then stood back, sinking pints and being just out and out impressed.

So there...

To top it all off, I'm walking out and instead of hearing boges going on about how sick it was, I'm hearing geezers and pommy metal chicks going on about how ace it was.

Aussie metal heads... Even retired ones... You know when you'd be at a gig and you'd see a chick going off and you'd give her a wide berth because she was all like Rowville and you didn't know what to expect... Here they're all just "Mad up forri' ". Major difference. Made me smile. I even toasted one of em as I returned with the lagers.

But yeah... Last night I was majorly homesick. Then I go to a gig like that and live the vibe and hear the obligatory critiques on the way out, all delivered in their accents and mannerisms....


I'm in London!

And after last night, where I was so homesick I looked seriously at purchasing the home leg....

Mark... When/if you read this... Thanks from the bottom of my heart buddy. Furthermore, they don't make metal bars like 'The Fox' at home. They dont make metal chicks like that either bro, let alone put em behind a bar and serve me double shots of JD. And I told you how I like those babies... Thanks again mate :) Made me wanna love this city again. Cheers and I'll catch ya for some fireworks down before Guy Fawkes.

Later folks. I'm starting to think that God just mighta given rock and roll to us afterall...


P.S. Massive shout outs to Andy Richards. I only brought one set of those earplugs over, but they saved me from another 4 weeks of tinitis. Cheers fellah!!!!

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Long live tru metal
Authored by: jason on Saturday, November 12 2005 at 10:44 AM EST

Yep. I just couldn't do it.

I could potentially pump my fist in the air for a few minutes, but that'd be about it for me.

I was at a company getaway last weekend (more on that in another story), and I didn't last long in the "nightclub" that was run by the resort on the Friday night...

I still phear guys that can beat the shit out of instruments and make some amazing noise though -- I haven't lost that :)